So here we are, already a week into another new year. I’m only 24, but it feels like life is flying by. OK, I know it’s not just a feeling, but that it really is. Some days it’s not going quick enough and some days I fear I’m wasting my life.

Jesus died in His early 30s. By the time I’m that age, will I have lived a life that’s worth dying for?

“You are more than what you have become.” – Lion King
 

Over break we watched Lion King. As soon as I heard that I had quote I had to run upstairs and write it in my journal. I don’t need to hear that from someone else, that’s what I’m saying to myself. Am I living a life that’s worth dying for? Right now I wouldn’t be satisfied with saying yes. Sure, I’ve done things in this past year that I would definitely say are worth dying for, but not my life as a whole.

What will it take to get there? What’s in the way?
 

This is a journal entry I wrote a few weeks ago.

“We have been taught into unbelief. What a disgrace. We have been taught how to hate. We have been taught worthlessness and shame. How hard it is to unteach lies. How hard it is to replace these atrocities with truth.” 
 

In the short version of what’s in the way, this entry says it. My life has constantly been full of lies that aren’t from God. In the more recent past, I’ve also been taught so much truth, but it’s not reality to me. I’ve been in a place where I need theology to become reality. I’ve gotten to the place where even if I were to turn away and live a lifestyle in which my actions go against God 100% I could never ever deny verbally or in my head His existence and the life of Christ

In a lot of ways, that’s all that I’ve had to hold on to for a while now. I constantly see God at work, but at the same time for months I’ve felt like I just don’t know God. I’ve been really glad that the Christian walk isn’t about feelings, because if it were I, along with many others, would have been gone from it a long time ago. But there is a God out there who wants all of us to become so much more. 
 

I’ve been out in the international mission field for 18 months now. That looks great in some people’s eyes. There isn’t anything wrong with it, but it still doesn’t mean that I’m really fulfilling what God has for me. I know at the depths that He wants this relationship to reach, there are many barricades in the way. This theology needs to become reality. These lies need to be replaced with truth. A heart longing for more of God needs to become the heart of God.

As I fly back to Johannesburg tomorrow, and prepare to dig in and pour out this next semester, I know that there’s still plenty of space in my to be filled up. Please pray for this theology to continue to become reality and that I become the more that He has for me. 
 

Bring Me To Life – Bebo Norman

I am a barren land

And it’s all I can do to stand

I am thirsty, I am thirsty

Father, reach out Your hand

I have given all that I can

Still I’m sinking, I’m still sinking

I want to run into the deep

And let the deep call out to me

I want to lose myself in Your love

So let it rain down over me

As I fall down to my knees

Let the ocean rise to meet me

I need You to bring me to life

Well of eternal things

Endless is all the life You bring

Be the water that I long for

And show me Your Kingdom Come

Father and let Your will be done

Here in me as it is in Heaven